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Perhaps you've
heard this joke before:
A group of boys
had made a habit of running through a neighborhood and banging on trash
cans. The noise disturbed a man who lived in the neighborhood, so he approached
the boys with an offer:
"I'll
pay you $5 an hour to bang on those trash cans," he said.
"Alright!" The boys agreed, and happily collected their first payment.
The next day, the man had an announcement:
"I
can't afford to pay the $5 an hour today, so I'll give you $2. Can you
still do it?"
"Um… Sure" the boys mumbled.
They banged on the trash cans again and collected their payment.
The
next day, the man looked sad.
"I'm
sorry, but today I can only afford to pay you 50 cents. How about it?"
"No way!" the boys chanted in unison. "We can't bang on trash cans for
only 50 cents!"
And so, the man enjoyed a quiet neighborhood once again.
It's
a clever story, but the lesson behind it is important: people often don't
want to do the things that they think they have to do. For the boys
in the story, the perception that what they were doing was work, for the
man's benefit and not their own, undermined their joy in banging on the
trash cans. In the end, the boys stopped doing something that they previously
enjoyed.
Parenting
And Rewards
This
story is good to keep in mind when considering your own child's motivations.
Often, parents offer rewards to their children in exchange for some kind
of performance: "If you read three books this summer, I'll take you out
for a special ice cream." To some extent, such rewards are built into
the classroom as well: "When we finish our series of quizzes, we'll have
a party."
The thinking goes like this: rewards are necessary to get children to
complete the tasks that are good for them. It's better than nothing. And
maybe they'll learn to like the task once the hurdle of starting it has
been cleared.
The
problem with such an approach is that it sends the message that a job
alone isn't worth doing unless there's something extra to be gained. In
this way, the child learns to focus on the reward rather than the task
itself. The child's behavior begins to arise from extrinsic motivation
-- that is, doing something for an outside agent rather than one's own
self. The goal should be to have an intrinsically motivated child,
who does things for the pleasure of doing them. Consider what would happen
if a child's rewards were to disappear? If that child completed a task
only for the rewards that followed, the behavior is unlikely to be sustained.
The
Rewards of Enjoyment
This
idea has been demonstrated with research. Mark Lepper, a social psychologist
at Stanford University, undertook a study more than twenty years ago in
which he introduced colouring markers into a preschool classroom. Children
who were found to naturally enjoy the markers became the participants
in the study. Some were told that if they played well with the markers,
they would receive a Good Player Award. The others were told nothing.
You can guess what happened. The kids who were playing for the award used
the markers less than the kids who were left to themselves and continued
their play as before.
As
a parent, the last thing you want to do is to reward a child for a task
he or she already enjoys -- it's clearly unnecessary if your child voluntarily
engages in the task. But what do you do when the task is something that's
not enjoyable, like taking out the trash? You want the child to focus
on the task and not the reward. However, you may have to point out the
benefits of the task for the child, i.e., that the trash doesn't
smell anymore.
Praise
and Recognition
Rewarding
your child by offering positive verbal feedback is also a fine idea: "Thanks
for taking out the trash. I appreciate that," or "I noticed that you followed
directions really well during practice today." Also, if you feel like
your children deserve special recognition, it's okay to reward them after
they've completed a task, as a surprise. This might be best suited for
a one-time task or one that was done particularly well, lest the child
expect that future behaviors will be similarly rewarded. This is not to
say that the occasional trip to the ice cream shop isn't a great experience
for your child. It just shouldn't be connected with the completion of
tasks.
Encourage
your children to focus their attention on the task itself, and help them
to appreciate that "hard" or even "boring" doesn't necessarily mean "bad"
or "not worth doing." Make your child feel like someone who thrives on
a task, not someone who withstands it. You'll find that your children's
positive behaviors will continue, and they might get excited about some
neat activities (like developing a love for reading) along the way.
About
the Author Rachel
S. Johnson will
soon finish her Ph.D. in
developmental psychology at Stanford University in the U.S. She has begun
her career in freelance writing by focusing on child development and other
issues particularly of interest to parents.
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