I don't like pictures.
Why not?

I don't know how to do them.
Why not try? Perhaps you could!

No, I can't !

A negative self-image -- the belief that nothing that one does will have any favorable effect -- can greatly diminish a child's abilities. The way that children see themselves has a major influence on how they respond to intellectual, creative and social challenges. More than any other quality, children need a positive self-image in order to be happy, motivated and successful. A child with a positive self-image likes being him or herself. He feels confident and has an attitude of I can!

Self-image never forms in isolation. It is shaped by a constant and dynamic interaction with outward-image. That is where your relationship with your child comes into play. You child relies on you for a sense of his outward-image.

But how will you know whether your child lacks motivation because of a negative self-image? The following checklist should give you some valuable clues:

· Does your child behave in an unruly manner in order to attract attention?
· Does your child seem hostile and angry at the world? Will he fight in order to get his own way?
· Does your child often seem alienated and withdrawn?
· Is your child unsure of himself when asked to make a decision?
· Does your child seem to be on an emotional roller coaster, dejected one minute and joyful the next?
· Does your child often seem sad, lonely and depressed?

If you recognize three or more of these symptoms, your child may have a negative self-image.

While it is possible to dramatically change a child's self-image from negative to positive, you must be patient and consistent if you want to bring about permanent change in your child. Friends, relatives and teachers are of great importance, but parents play the most significant role in helping a child to build a positive self-image.

Acknowledge your child's individuality. Stand aside and let him be
It is quite common for parents to become so involved in their child's activities that the child is deprived of a sense of competence. While it is often necessary to guide your child and participate in his activities, be mindful that a child should be given the freedom and the opportunity to develop at his own pace. At times, a child must simply be allowed to do nothing except relax, play and explore his thoughts.

Effective communication includes effective listening
As a parent, it is your duty to make sure your child is properly informed about peer pressure, puberty, sex, drugs, sexually transmitted diseases, drinking, violence and the other tough issues that today's children will face. When your child asks questions and demonstrates an interest, be prepared to share your knowledge of life with him. Don't wait, and be ready. The world moves fast and preys on the naïve.

Create a supportive and encouraging environment for your child
Each success assures your child that he really is competent. Success breeds successful self-imagery, and a positive self-image helps to ensure success.

Be careful of what you say. Avoid accusations and destructive criticism. Never use comparisons between children as a basis for punishment. Avoid making comments such as, "You are a naughty child," or "You're not half as nice as your sister. Why can't you behave like her?"

Parents must abandon stereotypes of the ways in which children should behave. Treat each child as an individual rather than as a possession.

Do not…
Don't tell your child he is stupid, ignorant, wicked, filthy… These terms provide the child with material for a negative self-image and deny him any constructive feedback.

Never withdraw love as a punishment. Never tell a child that you no longer love him because of what he has done. The child will either believe you and become extremely anxious, or else realize that you do not really mean what you say, in which case your credibility is diminished.

Never punish your child long after an event has occurred. Delayed reactions are ineffective in changing behaviour, especially for children under five years old. Their span of memory is often too poor for them to make the connection with the activity for which they have been punished.

Confidence is the key
Modern parents feel compelled to push their children. They fear that if their child is not among the big winners in society, he or she will simply lose out. Parents often press their children to cultivate their talents by orienting every childhood activity towards some immediately tangible success.

If pushing children makes them more formidable competitors in a dog-eat-dog world, so be it. Trouble is, making your children high-achievers by no means assures them of a successful or enjoyable adulthood.

By balancing an aggressive education program with these tips on bolstering your child's confidence in his abilities, your child will certainly grow into the kind of self-directed and satisfying future that you have envisioned for him.

About the Author Theresa Lütge-Smith is the published author of four books on small business and entrepreneurial education. She runs a SOHO writing and research business and has recently completed a manuscript on the future of the family. She feels strongly about maintaining the institution of the family in an age where its existence is increasingly affected, and promotes all forms of family education and training. She is married with four sons and resides in South Africa.