Giving your child independence does not mean pushing him out of the nest. Giving your child independence means letting him try his wings, a little at a time, with your support and encouragement. It also means helping your child to master the skills that will allow him to grow into a confident adult without sacrificing the closeness that is part of a family.

Parents are often uncertain about how much independence their child should have, and how and when to help them achieve it. With every stage of your child's development, your ways of parenting must change to accommodate new responsibilities and challenges. Like most parenting skills, it is a balancing act.

In the beginning, you are your child's whole world. The relationship between you and your child is the basis for all the development that follows. As your baby grows, he begins to explore the world beyond his caregivers. Babies learn by exploring and playing. Your job is to provide a safe, supervised environment for your baby's exploration and to be warmly welcoming when your little one comes back to you for security.

Follow Their Lead
Pediatrician Dr. Bradley Barnes says that between the ages of four to six months, babies start to need rug time. He suggests that you put your baby down on the floor, offer several toys and allow him to select what to play with. "Follow your child's lead," he explains. "Be responsive to their play."

Besides play, you can encourage independence by letting your toddler feed himself, even if it's messy, or letting him choose which shirt to wear, even if the color makes you wince.

As your child becomes more verbal, you can encourage her to express her thoughts and feelings. Of course, this also increases the chances that she'll disagree with you!

The Cheery Drop and Dash
Many children this age also suffer from separation anxiety when they enter preschool or day care arrangements. Experts advise parents to never sneak away after dropping off a child at day care. Make sure to briefly say good-bye, then leave. Experienced parents refer to this as "drop and dash."

Amy Harrison, Director of Rochester College Preschool, advises nervous parents project a positive, confident attitude when bringing a child to school. "Children will pick up your attitude," she explains. "Some children just say good-bye, some need the security of knowing mom is coming back, sometimes the teachers need to engage a child in an activity they can feel successful in."

There are many ways to help your preschooler to become independent and self-sufficient. It may be time consuming and often messy, but let your child try to dress himself, help you to prepare dinner, plant flowers and explore ways in which he can help to care for a younger sibling or a pet.

Parent as Mentor
As your child grows in independence and maturity, you will gradually take on the role of mentor. Your child will begin to take charge of his own bedroom, small amounts of money, homework, his social life and hobbies. He will want to take charge of his own projects, but he needs and wants you by his side, coaching.

You will walk a fine line here. It is important to offer information and assistance when you know your child is headed for disaster, but you must do so without taking over or making your child feel inadequate. Try saying, "How about if I help you to gather up everything you need, and then you do it?" In helping him to prepare for a project, you can discretely walk your child through the process. "Let's see. First you'll need the scissors to cut out the pictures, then..."

Expanding Boundaries
Allowing your child to have more control in some areas of her life does not mean that you must give up parenting, you just need to give your child a little more space to make mistakes and then gently help her to correct those mistakes.

Family counselor Barbara Barnes advises, "You still set limits, but within the limits there are all kinds of choices. Don't do for your child what he can do for himself, but don't demand beyond his limits."

Although it is always important to keep safety in mind, Dr. Bradley Barnes advises parents to watch for signs that their child needs more independence. "When they are ready to expand, don't hold them back."

Be Proud
What do you do if you're not sure? Educator Amy Harrison suggests that parents give it a little test once in awhile. Take pride in those baby steps towards independence. Before you know it, you're child will be out there flying.

About the Author Susan K. Gower is an attorney and freelance writer who specializes in family issues. She and her husband have four children.