The preschool and kindergarten classroom is often a child's first experience of functioning independently within a group. The social learning that happens at this time is considered to be equally important as the academic learning that is accomplished during these years.

A crucial skill for successful social interaction during this time is being able to effectively resolve conflicts. When parents nurture the development of such a skill, they are providing their child with an ability to resolve a situation before it careens out of control. These skills are essential for developing and maintaining relationships with peers. How well these skills are learned during childhood will influence the type and quality of the relationships that the child forms in adulthood.

First, Communicate
Strong communication skills are at the heart of effective conflict resolution skills. Helping a child to use words which describe his feelings will help that child to identify and discuss his different emotions. In this way, children achieve a sense of control over the powerful emotions that sometimes overwhelm them. In turn, this decreases the likelihood of violence and other forms of negative behaviour.

Are you listening?
Listening is a significant part of communication because, aside from its obvious value in collecting information, it is a demonstration of respect. This is a concept that children learn best from example, as opposed to mere instruction.

The benefits inherent in listening can be enhanced through mirroring, a simple technique that parents can easily apply and teach their children to use. In its most basic form, mirroring is simply listening and paraphrasing. The listener does so carefully, and when the speaker has finished, the listener then restates what has been heard.

This process serves two purposes. It shows the speaker that she has been both heard and understood. It also allows the speaker to hear what the listener believes to have been said -- which is not always what the speaker hoped to convey. The speaker then has the opportunity to clarify for the listener any miscommunication that may have occurred. This is a particularly useful method with children, because active and participatory listening exercises focus their attention.

Empathise and Compromise
Empathy and the ability to compromise are also skills related to conflict resolution. Both are based solidly upon an internalised set of values, and are developed and practised most efficiently through fine communication skills.

Empathy is important to conflict resolution because it is through this quality that a person comes to view the thoughts and feelings of others as being similar in depth and nature to their own. When parents help children to achieve an empathetic understanding of others, they lay the groundwork for the ability to compromise.

Compromise can be said to be the cornerstone of successful conflict resolution. Being willing to consider compromise demonstrates a focus on an equitable and fair outcome rather than an overwhelming need to be right. It is important, however, that children understand that their own basic value system should not be subject to negotiation.

Rules of the Game
Children need to know that there are basic rules of conduct that should be applied to situations of conflict. Name-calling is never acceptable. Focus on the topic at hand. If one child tries to bring up past or unrelated issues, politely and firmly suggest these issues be dealt with after the one at hand has been resolved.

Children should be encouraged to listen respectfully to other points of view, keeping an open mind. They should also understand that it is possible to simply agree to disagree.

In our society, there has been a significant increase in serious, even deadly, violence among youth. Therefore, it is important for parents to teach children to monitor the tension level of a situation. If, despite their best efforts to maintain a controlled and productive dialogue, the other person becomes increasingly agitated, it is best to postpone further discussion until tempers have calmed.

Moral Authority
In addition to the moral guidance that children receive from their parents, moral influences will inevitably flow from other sources. This becomes readily apparent to parents of preschoolers and kindergarteners as their children bring home new behaviours and vocabulary which may not meet with their approval. Parents must actively maintain their status as the primary influence over their children's developing value systems. They can best do this with frequent and open family discussions in which the children are encouraged to reflect on and speak about their values. By talking over an issue with your child, you help the child to make a given value his own. This gives a child a sense of ownership and pride over his value system.

Value and Quality
The ability to resolve conflicts is a skill that is important to a person's quality of life, both during childhood and adulthood. Parents who utilise these techniques in resolving their own conflicts will teach their children that conflicts are a normal part of life, and that when handled properly, relationships will be able to withstand them and perhaps even grow stronger through their resolution.

About the Author Sharon L. Secor read her first psychology text in the fourth grade, along with the feminist literature of that era, beginning a lifelong passion for the humanities and social sciences. Her journey into freelance writing was inspired by Christine de Pisan (1364-1429), a widow and writer of social commentary, and France's first known female author to have supported her children through her work.