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Girls and Boys Come Out to Play
How Childhood Games Affect Adult Working Relationships

Interpersonal

Play is vitally important for children's development and should never be viewed as "just playing." The importance of play is sometimes difficult for an adult to appreciate, but adult working behaviour and those of children at play are closely linked. If we were to take an aerial view of children playing in a school playground, we would gain insight into the ways that adults interact in the workplace. These early, social experiences stay with us all our lives. Moreover, these learned behaviors are gender specific.

So what would we observe from our aerial view? Boys and girls play differently and, generally speaking, what boys learn equips them admirably for a successful working career.

We would see boys playing in small groups. If we were to ask the boys, "Who plays with whom?" we would get answers about groups, leaders and followers, hierarchy, and who can defeat whom. We would also get answers about other group membership and we would find a remarkable degree of consensus among all the boys. By the age of sixteen, boys have a considerable advantage over their sisters, not in relation to education or ability, but in that elusive thing known as corporate political awareness.

If we were to ask the girls the same question, "Who plays with whom?" we would get answers about friendships, an inventory of best friends, and a history of who used to be best friends and how another girl split them up.

Team playing teaches children about rules, not simply knowing and following the rules, but about rule making and, more importantly, rule bending and breaking. There are important but subtle rules about rules, which successful executives have mastered. These attitudes about team play, which we bring to our adult working life, prepare children for the world of work as it is today.

Leaders and Conflicts

The adult world of work is essentially made up of groups and individuals who play different roles necessary for a productive organization. The way that workers communicate will determine their relationship as well as their attitude, motivation and performance within the business climate. Even if you work solo, you will invariably come into contact with other groups, which requires an awareness of rules, rivalry and risk taking and a healthy attitude towards winning and losing. Clearly, those who are well-schooled in the art of team playing are at a considerable advantage.

Given our current economic system, the purpose of work is to produce or provide something for profit. This means being more successful, more efficient, and more cost effective than someone else. It's necessary therefore to be competitive in order to be a winner.

Boys playing in teams learn that winning is important, winning is good and it is good to be part of a winning team. Girls, who are generally more interested in building alliances, often regard winning as bad because someone has to lose and might feel hurt or upset. For girls, being liked is more important than winning.

Team playing also teaches the players about losing. Boys who play in team leagues learn that losing hurts, but that the feeling is only temporary. You can come back to win another day. In doing so, they learn to move on from failure. Girls who avoid competition do not learn how to deal with failure. They tend to blame themselves entirely and find it hard to bounce back.

The Working World as Playground

Adult attitudes towards leadership are formed by these early experiences. Team players recognize the importance of having a leader who is able to take responsibility and who is confident enough to make unpopular decisions. They also accept the necessity of giving and receiving criticism if the success of the team depends on it. Girls are often uncomfortable with the idea of being bossed and of being bossy. They will often avoid conflict and, in particular, hurting others' feelings.

Modern management theory is trending towards participative management. Men have much to learn from women in this regard. In the collaborative style of participative management, all the members of an organization play a direct role in planning, decision-making and change. Trust and friendship play a particularly important role in participative management, and the promoters of this style look to the dynamics of girls at play for their inspiration.

Clearly, we have much to learn from each other, in particular when examining the way that children play and how their games affect adult working relationships.


About the Author Theresa Lütge-Smith is the published author of four books on small business and entrepreneurial education. She runs a SOHO writing and research business and has recently completed a manuscript on the future of the family. She feels strongly about maintaining the institution of the family in an age where its existence is increasingly affected, and she promotes all forms of family education and training. Mrs. Lütge-Smith is married with four sons and resides in South Africa.

Copyright © 2001 Theresa Lütge-Smith . All rights reserved.

 

 


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