Children are trusting and impressionable. Their psyches are clean slates upon which parents have the awesome duty of commencing to write. Depending on what they write, a child's life takes shape.

Here are a few common sense tips to parenting.

Be Transparent.

Kids cotton on to deception quicker than you think. Don't ask your wife, within Junior's hearing, to tell a caller you're not at home. If, after that, you tell him not to lie, he will be confused. From this confusion, which he can't verbalize, arises a conflict which is difficult for the child's young mind to process.

The child files away such conflict for future reflection. Over time, however, these unsorted impressions pile up in the child's subconscious, weighing him down. When the realization finally dawns that Dad was lying, there may be rage, rebellion and cynicism. Because of this, there will always be some resistance to further parental counsel.


Clear The Cobwebs From Your Speech.

Get to the point quick. You may think you're being tactful as you wind your way through a piece of advice. You might only be confusing. The child's mind grasps simple linkages, not a complicated chain of reasons.

Don't say, "You know, Peter, my father was a very wise man and he always told me to study hard when I was in school. That's how I am who I am today. So please study very hard for tomorrow's math exam." Skip the preamble. Say, "Son, prepare well for tomorrow's math exam. You'll get good grades. Math can be fun, you know."

Give Him References He Can Readily Relate To.

When illustrating a point, don't talk of the factory in your office. Tell him of the toolshed in your backyard.

Don't Be Shy Of Steering Your Kid Away From Bad Influences.


Some parents fear this is not being broad minded. Others don't wish to risk unpopularity with their kids. Are you taking the easy way out?

Fixing a nanny lock on a steamy TV channel is being sensible. If your kid doesn't like it, he'll understand in time that it was for his own good. Discipline, finally, is the best kindness. But make sure it is a discipline that bends, not breaks. Fix the lock, but don't prevent your child from seeing TV altogether! This is also where your tastes rub off on him, and he becomes a chip off the old block. If you like wrestling channels, chances are he'll develop a taste for them, too. If you like National Geographic, his mind will soak in more enriching programs.

There is no getting away from it. It's not only diabetes which is hereditary. Father's and mother's mindsets are passed on, too.

Listen To Your Kid.


Don't confuse your mastery over words with superior wisdom. With uncluttered minds, kids sometimes have a wisdom way beyond their years. They may see things which years of conditioned thinking have blinded you to. After all, it took a child to see that the emperor wore no clothes, didn't it? All of the others, like you and me, refused the simple evidence of their eyes.

Besides, each time you shush your kid when he's trying to tell you something, his self-esteem takes a beating. Over time, this may harden into a protective shell from which the child may not emerge. Unnatural aggressiveness and stammering are often the result. If you don't want these in your child, please wait patiently until he has lisped his way through a sentence.

Plant Positive Input.


There's enough garbage on TV. It's a titanic task to counter the vast influences of sex and violence. But counter it you must, if you want an emotionally well-nourished child. Find your own unique way. Expose him to quiet libraries, perhaps? What about a long nature ramble?

The bottom line, finally, is the time you're willing to give to your child. Just by being who you are, you will shape your child's emotional and intellectual development.

Copyright © 2000 Devan Chandrasekher. All rights reserved.